“I've been drinking tequila for a long time now, and it's never been about drinking to get drunk. I don't do that. I never drink tequila during the day, and I don't drive at night.” Sammy Hagar

Tequila has a polarizing effect like no other liquor on the planet. There are those that revere it, respect it, and are even in awe of it, much like the ancient Aztec. And there are those who spent one too many nights facedown on the floor after a night of tequila bravado that go green simply at the sight of it. If you happen to fall into the latter category, consider the possibility that your negative image of tequila might be based on an imposter… A tequila in label only.

For centuries, tequila was the best kept secret of Mexico and produced by locals using family recipes handed down from generation to generation. It was made in small batches with much care and pride taken in the finished product. Somewhere along the line, the secret got out, commercialism stepped in, and the “tequila” that was eventually exported and marketed to the U.S. was nothing close to original Mexican tequila. So the stuff many, if not most of us, were weaned on was an unfair representation of a truly unique and wonderful beverage. Recently, as consumers became more educated, there came a demand for “quality” tequila. And of course, marketing geniuses stepped up to the plate and began mass-producing “quality” tequila and charging exorbitant prices for it. But even much of this fell well short of the original recipe.

So how does one go about discerning the difference between the real deal and the fancy imposter? And what exactly makes good tequila, well, good tequila? I’m glad you asked. Read on, Dear Friend.

Firstly, make sure the product you purchase is made from 100% blue agave. This agave, when cooked, has the highest amount of sugars and lowest levels of toxic ingredients than any other species of agave, as was found by hundreds of years of trial and error. “Mixto” tequilas should be avoided, as they legally are only required to contain 51% blue agave. The other 49% is cheap filler made from any available sugar, such as cane, beet, or corn, and is the reason for the infamous, head pounding, retching, praying for death hangover you get from drinking the cheap stuff. Some producers even add more sugar in the form of caramel to color their product and soften its edge. Nothing good can come of that. While making sure that your tequila is 100% blue agave is paramount, it does not necessarily dictate a top quality product. There are several more variables involved in the process.

The second of these variables that affects tequila taste is how the piña, or part of the plant from which tequila is made, is harvested. The ripeness of the piña is muy importante. Too young and the tequila will be bitter… too old and it will taste rotten. Care must also be taken to cut the spines of the agave plant very close to the piña when harvesting, as this also affects the taste of the finished product. As you might have guessed, sourcing carefully harvested product becomes secondary to profit for most large-scale tequila conglomerates. Just as much of the fabulous wine in the world comes from small producers, so too does the majority of fine tequila.

One aspect of tequila making that might be largely overlooked but is of great concern, and brings us to our third point, is the quality of the water and yeast used in the fermentation process. Hard or mineralized water will adversely affect the taste of the finished product, as will yeast tainted with bacteria.

Lastly, and most ambiguously, comes the production process itself, which can differ substantially from one producer to the next. Though this can be complicated, it’s a safe bet to hedge that the typical, run of the mill, profit first tequilas proliferated on the American public more than likely use the cheapest methods possible. In most cases, this does not result in a quality product.

Contrary to popular experience, quality tequila should not leave you with a puckered face, sucking your teeth and reaching for the salt and lime. It also shouldn’t have you glued to the toilet the next day. The good stuff is exceptionally smooth, represents the distinctive, earthy flavors of the blue agave, and should be sipped to appreciate its flavor. You wouldn’t slam a fine wine, nor should you insult a fine a tequila by doing so.

So what is a true tequila lover, or one wishing to be reintroduced to this fantastic liquor, to do? Don’t’ go for the gimmick. Fancy labels and bottles, marketing blitzes, and clever ad campaigns do not a good tequila make; neither does a price tag that leaves you wondering if you are paying in pesos or dollars. The best tequilas are often priced well under what the market pushes as “high end.” If you need help, don’t be afraid to seek out a tequila connoisseur and ask for assistance in your selection. Tequila is, after all, The John’s favorite subject. Cheers!